


Freelance Adoption Center

by CplCrimp



Category: Sam & Max (Comics), Sam & Max (Video Games), The Adventures of Sam & Max: Freelance Police (Cartoon)
Genre: (It's Max), Abusive Parents, Adopted Children, Adoption, Attempted Kidnapping, Bad At Emotions, Blood and Violence, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Found Family, Hugs, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, On the Run, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-24 16:35:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30075141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CplCrimp/pseuds/CplCrimp
Summary: "And who could forget the defining moment of our lives?""When our sorry existence was forever changed following a chance encounter with Darla Gugenheek!""We found her floating down the river in a basket, and decided to take her in; knowing one day she would lead us out of eternal bondage!""...ah, no, you're thinkin of Moses, there, little pal.""Oh, yeah. How did we meet the Geek, again?"In a cold dark alley between a brick and a bowie knife, of course!
Relationships: Max/Sam (Sam & Max)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53





	1. so this is the place between

**Author's Note:**

> i am aware that the geek has a mild canon backstory but given that it is a dumb canon backstory i have elected to ignore it
> 
> they're rly Not gonna let sam, max & geek go on an epic world-saving adventure to grow their bonds and familial relationship? right in front of my salad?

Warm skin pressed against cold brick. Silver shone against a blade as its coldness, too, pressed against the warm skin. The owner of the knife was covered in the shadows of the alleyway, but his victim was much more visible. She was a short girl with long red hair, wearing a striped yellow shirt. Her brows were furrowed angrily but her fingers shook with nervousness against the brick she was pressed to. She couldn’t have been much older than ten.

“Get away from me!” the girl barked.

The dull edge of the knife pressed a bit harder against her neck. “Don’t be that way,” purred the adult. “Just come back with me quietly and ain’t no one’ll get hurt.”

_ “NO!” _

The girl risked a glance sideways, but no cars drove by. The knife moved to tilt her chin up into the pale, shadowed face of her captor. A wicked smile spread across his face but dark sunglasses and a high-collared trenchcoat hid many of his other features.

“Come now,” said the adult.

The girl breathed heavily and pushed against the brick wall further. Her eyes stung with tears, from sorrow or anger she couldn’t quite tell, but neither of the people were willing to budge. 

A small light almost pierced the edge of her bleary vision, and an animalistic growl nearly broke through the loud pounding of the girls’ heart in her ears.

“Sic ‘em, boy!” called a voice that was definitely not that of the darkly-clad adult. The voice was much lighter and louder. The girl didn’t have much time to think about if she recognized it, though, as the animal-like growl grew louder. Suddenly a white blur leaped onto the head of the adult, and a  _ crunch  _ wrang out.

The girl begged every single muscle in her body to start bolting as her captor screamed, assaulted by some other person; but they were still cold and hurt and tired, and refused to move. Her knees buckled as she tried to force herself to move.

Before she could stop herself, the girl found herself hitting the cold concrete beneath her. A big shape rushed near, a similar height to the other adult, but much wider. She could hardly make out any of his features as bright white headlights only illuminated his back. The girl gasped and pressed herself in between the brick wall and the corner of a nearby wooden box. The growling, crunching and yellow continued. The girl’s ears continued to ring.

The big figure crouched down a few feet away from the girl and put his dark hands up. “It’s alright, kid. We aren’t here to hurt you,” he spoke calmly. 

Closer, the girl could see that he looked a lot like a dog, with very long ears and an oddly-shaped hat. An uncommon sight to most people, but a strange and new experience to the sheltered child. She had heard and studied about the Animal-American people, but had never actually seen one so closely, and in the flesh, before. Her eyes sparkled a minute as all that she learned came rushing back to her. However, a particularly loud crunch brought her back to reality.

The dog turned to face the brutal attack a few feet away. “That’s enough, Max,” he stated simply. The girl turned that way too, scared but still curious of what had become of the man that had cornered her. Had they - she shuttered thinking of the words - murdered him?

All motion stopped and a white rabbity-thing crouched atop the adult. One ear was tattered and flopped, but he didn’t seem to own any new injuries. His mouth was red, but the man breathing heavily beneath him seemed to be missing a fair amount of skin. Without another moments hesitation, the rabbit grabbed the mans collar roughly and shouted in his face.

_ “GET OUTTA HERE!” _

The rabbity thing hopped away while the adult rapidly, and awkwardly, tried to get back to his feet. The tattered man quickly ran through the alleyway until he was stopped by a fence. Glancing behind him nervously, the rabbit let out another fierce growl. Ultimately, the man decided to try and climb the wooden boxes as quickly as he could. The rabbit’s nose didn’t stop twitching until the click of his shoes was impossible to hear. The rabbit then turned to the dog and wiped his face of a fair amount of blood. He nodded down at the girl, only being about a hand taller than her.

“So what’ve we got here?” the rabbit asked through a thick accent.

“A kid,” the dog answered simply.

“Ooh,” the rabbit replied. Then his tone sombered.  _ “Oooh.  _ That ain’t good.”

“Nope.”

“I have a name!” the girl barked. Her adrenaline still rushed through her, even if her muscles refused to work.

“I’m sure you do!” the dog replied. He stood up with a grunt and extended a hand toward her. The girl grabbed it hesitantly and, putting her other hand on the ground, rose to her legs uncertainly. Her muscles weren’t  _ as  _ tense as they were before, and she still remained wary of these strangers. Maybe if something went wrong this time she  _ could  _ run.

“What is it?” the rabbit asked.

“It’s, uh -” the girl hesitated, still trying to get her body back in order. She’d asked herself the question of what her name was several times. She knew one thing, though. It couldn’t be her legal one. These strangers couldn’t know her real identity. “Um, Geek.” she finally answered. “Who are  _ you?” _

“I’m Sam - this is Max,” the dog introduced. He dug in his suit for a moment before producing a rigid gold shape, much shinier than the people were in the backlight. “We’re the Freelance Police!”

Geek gasped and stepped back, almost tripping over the box. Stumbling a minute and staring up wide-eyed at them, she exclaimed, “P- _ police?!” _

“We don’t arrest kids,” Max stated simply, crossing his arms behind his back. He looked off innocently and rolled on his heels. His shark-like smile got even larger. “I mean, unless you’ve done somethin’.”

“N-nothing  _ bad,”  _ Geek stuttered. She almost wanted to continue but she swallowed back the words. Her mouth was still dry from the lingering fear.

Silence held for a moment, the only sound being the growl of the Freelance Police’s car. 

“...Well,” Sam stated simply, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “It’s late - and you’re vulnerable. Why don’t you settle in at our house for the night?”

“Yeah, kid!” Max exclaimed, another huge smile splitting his still bloodstained face. He wiped away a droplet with this back of his hand, but continued to smile. “Don’t you worry your little head! We won’t let anything happen to ya.”

Geek glanced between the two strange people several times over, sizing them up. A huge dog with weird feet, and a hyperkinetic, bloodstained rabbity-thing. Max was definitely dangerous but - he had protected her from the first guy. And Sam and been nothing but nice.

Swallowing back her fear, Geek spoke. “With friends like you who needs enemies?” she asked dryly.

Max chuckled and thumped his foot happily. He interlaced his fingers together and tossed them under his chin, looking up at Sam with pleading eyes. “Aw,  _ Sa~am,  _ can we keep her? She’s cute! Can we?”

Sam chuckled himself and patted Max’s head like he had no fear of getting bitten. “We’ll see, little buddy,” he answered. He then pointed backwards with his thumb to the still growling car. “Why don’t ya keep her company?”

Max laughed excitedly and thumped his foot a bit more, now turning to face Geek with the pleading expression. Geek’s skin crawled. She had to admit she was a little unnerved, after all, he still had blood in his teeth.

“Will you wash your face?” she asked.

“Huh? Oh,” Max replied, wiping away another trail of blood with his arm. “I forgot about that.”

Sam had already made his way to the driver’s seat of the car. He looked up through the open passenger window and put his hand to his mouth. “We’ve got germ-x!”

Max ushered her forward to the passenger-side door of the back seat. “You can’t put germ-x in your mouth!” she exclaimed. The old door was rusty and took lots of force to pull open, but Geek managed to slide it open just enough and bounced a bit on the seat. The door squealed as gravity closed it back. The car didn’t have seatbelts and the seats were made of old velvet, but overall, it was not the most uncomfortable car that Geek had ever been in.

“Clearly you don’t know Max,” Sam answered, adjusting the rear view mirror so Geek could just see the start of his smirk.

She bundled up in a ball and looked out the window. Leaning her warm and pounding head against the cold glass, all of her nerves returned.

She didn’t know  _ either  _ of them.


	2. away in a manger

Geek could not sleep.

She laid on a scratchy, pink couch with hard arms under a (surprisingly soft) blanket decorated with cockroaches. The front windows were… terrifying, actually. The curtains were open and, at her angle, all the passing headlights very surprising. The scariest part, though, had to be a half-carved rabbit-shaped bush.

Well, maybe rabbit-shaped was generous. It was Max’s head-shaped. And only the right side was. The left side was a thick block of hedge with shears still sticking out. The lights of passing cars from the left side were a jumpscare, but the lights showing carefully and slowly between the hedge were spookier.

Sam & Max’s door was also fairly scary. It had a window that she definitely couldn’t look into, but could be watched from. The door had several holes in a line, which at first Geek had thought were simply a design choice, but Max had explained.

“They’re bullet holes!” he had said upon noting Geek’s interest. “Sam fixed them up. Pretty now, huh?”

“Max can’t be trusted within thirty feet of a circular saw,” Sam clarified.

Sure, the Freelance Police had three locks on their doors, but the fact that bullets  _ could  _ and  _ had  _ passed through the door, to right where Geek was laying, did not bode well. All of that combined with the excitement and anxiety of finally having a mildly comfortable place to sleep for the first time in months, after being attacked, and in a stranger’s home, did not exactly help.

Geek was broken out of her blank stare around the room by a shimmer from the window. Illuminated only by the moon and the houses’ porchlight, a short and sleek black car revealed itself. Its headlights were not on, and it drove slowly. Geek stared intently, her saliva growing thick and throat tight.

Back and forth the car drove, slowing only when it passed the Freelance Police’s home. It pulled just out of sight - but the gentle rumble of the motor was no more.

“Oh,  _ please,”  _ she muttered sarcastically. Quickly she pulled the blanket up over her head. Still nervous, she balanced her pillow up there, too. She let one eye carefully look out behind the stiff arm, and hoped she didn’t look too much like a person.

Sure enough, a figure stepped in front of the window. They were as black and shapeless as their car save for a pair of glasses, which were a yellow against the light. Geek could make out no features of the person, not even as they turned to look straight into the window. Geek bit down hard on her tongue and tried not to shake.

As soon as the person went by the window, Geek got to her feet and bolted.

The first thing Sam & Max had done when bringing her home was to give her a quick house tour. Luckily, the only windows that anyone could look through were in the front of the house.

“Max insisted,” Sam said.

“I just don’t want any of my enemies to see me do the horizontal tango,” Max answered.

“Don’t say  _ horizontal tango,  _ little buddy,” Sam replied as Geek cringed.

Her throat was still too dry to speak. She dashed around a corner and into the green hallway. She smacked at the second-nearest door with the palm of her hand, breathing heavily.

More rumbling is not what she needed to hear.

Very soon, Sam’s big, hulking dog shape opened the door. “Oh, Geek,” he muttered, “It’s you.” He yawned. “What time is it?”

_ “Geek?”  _ asked Max, a lot more seriously. He hopped up alongside Sam, looking around him and into the girl’s eyes.

“...a person,” she choked out. She grit her teeth to bite back her tears. “I saw a person going through the window.”

Max furrowed his brows and thumped one of his feet. “Oh, god  _ DAMN IT!”  _ he exclaimed before running off.

“Well, holy Freddy Krueger in an abandoned pizza parlor!” Sam exclaimed, his ears pricking and eyes going wide. “What’s with you and attracting dangerous people, Geek?”

Geek looked down at the hardwood floor and shuffled her feet, nervous. Lots of reasons. Lots of reasons she wasn’t ready to share with Sam or Max just yet.

Sam waited patiently for Geek to reply. After a few seconds of awkward avoidance, he spoke again. “...you look like you need a hug.”

That broke Geek. Her breathing wavered as she looked into Sam’s sweet, chocolatey brown eyes. What did he care for a weird stranger kid, anyway? She sniffled and coughed a little, wiping at her face with her hands to try and prevent the tears trying their hardest to slip out.

Sam placed a hand on the small of her back and pulled her closer. Geek did not hesitate to turn into his embrace and wrap her own arms around him tightly. Even though these two were still strangers, Geek felt more comfortable with them than anyone she had met in  _ months.  _

She cried  _ hard.  _ Geek tried to be as quiet as she could, gritting her teeth and balling her fists. Sam patted her back gently and didn’t say anything.

Geek could hear yelling outside. Mostly from Max, and mostly swears and threats. She was sure the mysterious person had replied when there was growling. Sam sighed and muttered, “That Max…”

But it seemed whatever Max did worked. Soon enough the screeching of tires wrang out and Max once again yelled loudly.

Another deafening silence loomed. Sam continued to hold onto Geek tightly, even as her sobs subsided. She didn’t dare move either, despite the fact that the midsection of Sam’s pajamas were now soggy and uncomfortable.

Then the houses’ big wooden door slammed. Sam bared his teeth and growled a moment before either could make out the sound of Max’s muttering. They both observed him, nervously, padding through the dining room. He wiped at his face and Geek shivered. Max hesitated to continue on, facing the window. Both Geek and Sam shifted to look outside as well, but the window was too far away and the room was too dark. Max yanked the curtains closed quickly and went back to muttering. He disappeared behind the wall and, in no time at all, came the sound of rushing water.

Max reappeared soon, wiping away what Geek could only hope was water this time. Sam loosened his grip on her, so she turned around to face the nearing rabbity-thing. He stared blankly, glancing between Geek and Sam, his mouth hardly visible.

“...little buddy?” Sam asked.

“Hm?”

“Well, aren’t ya gonna explain what happened out there?”

“Oh,” Max chuckled. “Just another guy here to try and kidnap Geek. He seemed really interested in our old cellar. Dunno why.”

Geek whimpered and turned into Sam’s stomach again. Sam furrowed his brows and grabbed Geek again without much thought. He stared down at Max angrily. Immediately, Max lowered his ears and looked remorseful. He pulled Sam’s arms away gently, and Geek looked nervously up at him.

“Hey-hey, I didn’t mean anything! I mean, I scared ‘im off, right?” He spoke awkwardly. He glanced up at Sam momentarily before his ears perked back up and he smiled widely. “Hey, look at these chompers! They’re here to protect ya! Alright! Alright…?”

Geek was looking at him now, but she was still shivering and nervous. Max closed his lips around his teeth and, still uncertain of himself, spread his arms out. Geek glanced him up and down before leaning forward. She held her wrists together and nuzzled gently into the crook of Max’s neck.

He looked up at Sam quickly. Sam nodded and pat his head, cheerfully smiling. Max’s eyes glittered as he rested his chin on Geek’s head. Arms shaking a bit, he coupled his limbs together as well.

Geek sighed and pushed back, looking up at Max momentarily. Then she looked up to Sam. Her breath was still awkward and she was clearly still scared, but between Sam and Max she really  _ did  _ feel more comfortable. Geek had to wonder if it had to due to the fact that they were animals. Or - because no one had showed her so much compassion before.

Embarrassed now, she looked down to her feet. “Can I, um,” she started, “Sleep in your room? I don’t-”

“Of course you can!” Max exclaimed, very loudly. He held tighter onto Geek and looked up at his partner. “Can’t she, Sam?”

Sam quickly shrugged. “Can’t think of a reason not to. Come on in, kid!” The dog stepped aside and rubbed his eyes, padding into the room.

There was no light except for the faint green glow of a clock, and that coming from the door. Max released Geek from his grip and stood by the door, waiting to close it. She was very surprised upon seeing a bunkbed, which she had never seen an adult person use. Geek ultimately decided that she could explore the room later. She looked up to Sam for approval. He gave one brief nod, so Geek climbed onto the lower bed. Sam soon followed, laying on his back and groaning a bit as he laid down. Geek watched as he clasped his hands together over his stomach and sighed wistfully, staring up at the top bunk’s boards. Geek copied him. 

Max slammed the door shut and leaped over both Sam and Geek, roughing up the blankets and pillows. He faced the wall but glanced over his shoulder briefly to chime,  _ “Good ni~iiight.” _

Sam laughed lowly, clearly tired. “You crack me up, little buddy.” He stated. He then ruffled up Geek’s hair a little. “If you wanna go up to the top bunk, you can. Sometimes - uh, a lot of the time, actually - Max kicks in his sleep. And he’s got big feet and bunny legs, so they hurt.”

Max’s ear twitched and he looked over his shoulder, eyes half-lidded and annoyed. “Don’t call me a bunny,” he stated. Then he perked up, his toothy smile returning. “And you know what they say about people with big feet. They-”

“That’s enough, Max.”

Max huffed, but laid his head back down again. Geek scooted deeper into the covers. She definitely felt a little squished, but she had slept in worse places and was willing to put up with it. Eventually Sam turned to his side, facing the ground, giving her a little more breathing room.

Still, between the warmth and safety of the two, Geek was still terrified someone else would come for her. Sam snored softly, but Max made no noise. Reaching up carefully, she tapped his shoulder.

His voice was deep when he replied. “Oh,  _ please.”  _ He turned onto his back, sitting up on his elbows and staring down at Geek. “I suppose you want me to hold you or get you a glass of milk, or somethin.”

Geek shook her head. She turned to her side and balled her knees up to her chest, grabbing onto her feet. “I was just… wondering. Did you lock the door back?”

“Yep.”

“...is the back door locked?”

“Uh-huh.”

“...the windows?”

“Yeah.”

Geek opened her mouth to speak again, but Max reached forward and patted her head. He smiled and chuckled. His teeth didn’t seem nearly as terrifying.

“Go to sleep, kid,” he said. Max turned in her direction and wrapped an arm around her ribs, placing his head on her chin. His fur was  _ very  _ soft.

Finally, Geek managed to close her eyes and let out a deep breath. She pressed close into his chest and really,  _ really _ felt safe.

“Okay,” she agreed gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> max rly be like "pshh, you want me to hold you?" (precedes to hold geek)


End file.
